


when I close my eyes (you're all I see)

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 15DaysChallenge, Dreams, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Yuzuru put his hand on his chest, rubbing absently as he stared at the ceiling and thought that now he would be able to see Javi only in his dreams.(aka Yuzuru dreams about Javi, a lot)





	when I close my eyes (you're all I see)

**Author's Note:**

> I just hope you like it guys, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language and I might have missed something :D

“ _Why do you hate me?”_

_Javi was sitting on the top of the podium, legs crossed, and he watched Yuzuru with polite smile, head tilted a little, interest clear in his eyes._

“ _I don't hate you.” Yuzuru answered, his voice resonating in the empty arena, and Javi's smile widened._

“ _You would, if I had won for the third time.”_

_Yuzuru opened his mouth to tell him that he was wrong, but then he realized that he wasn't standing on the ice anymore, but in icy cold water that was reaching his ankles now, and when he looked at the podium again Javi wasn't there anymore._

Yuzuru opened his eyes abruptly, his ears filled with drilling sound of his alarm. He winced and turned it off, rubbing his eyes and letting out a small yawn. What a weird dream. It had been ages since he could remember one, and so clearly. Yuzuru wondered briefly why the ice had melted, and why so quickly, but then he forgot about it, thinking about what he was going to eat for breakfast. He really had better things to do than dwelling on his weird, meaningless dreams.

 

Javi smiled at him and waved shortly, and Yuzuru waved back before focusing on Brian again. It was one of the rare days him and Javi were at the rink at the same time, but sometimes there were some logistic challenges that weren't allowing them to have their own time. It wasn't like Yuzuru mind; he valued training alongside Javi as much as ever, but he also didn't have anything against those seperate sessions they were doing these season. The olympics were so close, and there was no time for sentiments.

They barely talked these days, but Yuzuru knew it had to be that way. He had a goal, and he had to focus, and no matter how much he liked Javi's company, he couldn't allow himself to be distracted.

Yuzuru had thought about that dream he had had, and he felt something unpleasant forming in his stomach. He didn't hate Javi, he could never, but things were different now, more complicated than before, with too many medals standing between them.

They would talk later. Someday. Maybe.

 

* * *

 

_He was sitting in a classroom, and there was Javi, writing something on the blackboard._

“ _It's cold in here.” Javi said, turning around, his fingers white._

“ _It's snowing.” Yuzuru said and Javi nodded “What are you doing here?”_

“ _Where should I be?”_

“ _I don't know.” Yuzuru shrugged “What are you writing?”_

“ _Can't you see?”_

 _Yuzuru glanced at the blackboard, but he couldn't make anything of the letters scattered on its_ _surface._

“ _I don't understand.” he admitted and Javi's smile softened._

“ _You don't understand a lot of things, Yuzu.” he said gently and-_

\- Yuzuru opened his eyes and took a shallow breath, his ankle throbbing with pain. He grimaced and sat up carefully, reaching for a glass of water and taking a big sip. His alarm clock was telling him it was 4.13am and he groaned quietly, knowing that it would be difficult to fall back to sleep now, but he flopped on the pillows anyway, staring at the dark ceiling.

Everything was pretty stupid. His joints were stupid, like his whole body was stupid, and now his dreams were stupid too. He had no idea why his dreams were so vivid recently, maybe because of the painkillers? And why Javi was in them so much?

Maybe Yuzuru missed him, a bit. It had been ages since their last meeting, or at least it felt like it. Maybe his brain decided that the best way to deal with that was sending him weird dreams with absolutely no sense.

Somehow, he fell asleep again.

 

* * *

 

_The water was so clear Yuzuru could see the bottom, and he wondered how long would take him to reach it._

“ _Don't try, it's very deep.” Javi said, sitting next to him. He was wearing swimming shorts and a weird hat that should make Yuzuru laugh, but instead he felt his stomach clench._

“ _It's nice in here.” he said and his voice was weird, his accent sounding odd._

“ _I'm happy you're here with me.” Javi said, smiling, and Yuzuru looked at the water again._

“ _Why are you leaving me?” he asked, wondering if he should just jump and try to swim, all the way to the sand all those metres below._

“ _Because you don't want me.”_

_Yuzuru turned to look at him, but Javi was gone, and in the place he had been sitting was now lying a gold medal. It was so incredibly shiny it hurt to look at it, so Yuzuru moved his eyes to the sea again and realized that it turned to ice._

Yuzuru opened his eyes rapidly, breathing hard and it took him a moment to reaize where he was and what was happening. He turned his head and in the faint light of a dawn he saw his gold medal lying on the night table, and his stomach churned. He had won, again.

And Javi was retiring.

It didn't feel right, at all. He was still happy about his win, so incredibly happy, but the realization that it had been the last podium they shared... it was crushing, and painful, and it felt like someone was squeezing his heart with barbed wire.

Yuzuru put his hand on his chest, rubbing absently as he stared at the ceiling and thought that now he would be able to see Javi only in his dreams.

 

* * *

 

Something clicked, in the worst moment possible.

Yuzuru walked into the locker room, ready for his practice, and the first thing he saw was Javi emptying his locker.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as if it wasn't obvious, and he cringed, his accent sounding heavier than usual.

“Just packing my stuff, last minute as always.” Javi grinned, so blissfully unaware of what was going on inside of Yuzuru's mind “I found three unmatching socks.”

“Are you coming back?” Yuzuru asked, feeling his insides twisting, and Javi's expression softened. “I'll be here tomorrow, to say goodbye.” he said gently, something flickering in his eyes “You'll be here?”

“Of course.” Yuzuru said, trying to understand why he was feeling so painfully hollow “Of course I will.”

 

_They were in that classroom again, Yuzuru on a chair while Javi was sitting on the desk in front of him, smiling widely._

“ _Finally!” he exclaimed and Yuzuru blinked with confusion._

“ _Finally what?”_

_Javi grinned even wider and pointed something behind him, and Yuzuru's eyes moved to the blackboard, the letters blindingly white on the dark surface._

_He could read it, now._

_'I can't do it without you.'_

“ _I told you that.” Yuzuru muttered and Javi's eyes were shining._

“ _You did.” he agreed and then took Yuzuru's face in his hands, and he kissed him, quick and deep, and suddenly they were sitting on Yuzuru's bed in his room in Sendai, everything around them quiet and bright._

“ _Why did you do that?” Yuzuru asked, tugging on Javi's shirt, and Javi looked at him seriously._

“ _Because you wanted me to.”_

_It was true. So Yuzuru kissed him again._

He woke up covered in sweat, his heart pounding and chest heaving.

It was too much, and he didn't understand, or maybe he was just scared to admit to himself what he was feeling, because admitting would make it real, and it would make everything even harder than it already was. So Yuzuru bit his lip so hard he could feel blood, and his muscles were trembling when he hugged Javi goodbye a few hours later.

“Take care of yourself.” Javi whispered, smiling at him kindly, and all Yuzuru wanted to do was to kiss him for real. But instead he just nodded and smiled, pretending that everything was fine.

“You too.”

 

* * *

 

“You did good.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, flopping back at the bed.

“I'm second.” he reminded him, the words tasting bitter on his tongue.

“There's nothing wrong in being second, take it from an expert.” Javi said and Yuzuru snorted.

It stang, the disappointment so painfully fresh, but it was good to have Javi with him. Yuzuru had thought he wouldn't be in a mood for hanging out, rather preferring to lick his wounds alone, but when Javi knocked to his door Yuzuru was so happy to see him, real, in person, and not in some twisted dream that would sometimes only make him feel guilty.

“I should probably get going.” Javi said with a sigh that turned into a yawn “My hotel is like, so far away.”

“You can stay here.” Yuzuru said quickly, not really thinking it through, and Javi tilted his head, clearly a bit surprised. Maybe it was a bit weird offer, but Yuzuru wasn't ready to let go yet. He was a bit selfish, because he liked that warm feeling Javi was giving him too much, and he had been missing him too terribly.

“Why not.” Javi smiled “I hope you don't snore.”

“I hope you don't steal blankets.”

“Well I guess we'll find out.”

 

_They were standing on the mountaintop, wind playing with their hair, and everything was calm and quiet._

“ _Have you been here before?” Javi asked, smiling as he took Yuzuru's hand._

“ _No.” Yuzuru shook his head “I don't think I like mountains.”_

“ _That's a shame.” Javi chuckled, looking at the view in front of him “It's quite beautiful, isn't it?”_

“ _I miss you.” Yuzuru blurted out and Javi looked at him again, his smile gentle and fond._

“ _I'm right here.”_

 

Yuzuru blinked awake and the first thing he saw was Javi's face, close and smiling, soft with remains of sleep.

“You don't snore.” Javi informed him cheerfully and Yuzuru smiled absently, the dream still playing in his head.

“You don't steal blankets.” he answered, and Javi's smile widened, his eyes shining.

“But for real, though-” he started, moving a bit closer, and Yuzuru couldn't understand his smile, his heartbeat picking up “- you don't like mountains?”

Yuzuru's mouth fell open as he stared at Javi, shocked and not able to make a sound, his brain turning into cotton. Javi chuckled and brushed his cheek, his expression full of unbearable fondness.

“Don't worry.” he said softly, brushing his nose against Yuzuru's “It's not a dream.”

It wasn't, and Yuzuru drew in a deep, shaky breath. And then he kissed him. For real.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
